Tastings

Starbucks Chantico

I tried out this new 'drinking chocolate' monstrosity at (shudder) Starbucks, 'Chantico,' after my usual postmodern deathmatch linguistic throwdown:

"Yeah, let me have a large Chantico please."

"Venti?"

"Big. Biggest you have."

-silence- "...well, it comes in these six-ounce cups..."

"Okay, then why did you ask if I wanted that word that I won't deign to repeat if it's not available in the first place?"

"...sir?"

"Gimme. And shut up."

Yes, I'm like that until I've had my coffee or other stimulant. If I had a bowel disruptor, it'd be on steaming rectal volcano and some son of a bitch would pay.

So anyhow, Chantico. This is how chocolate was supposed to be drunk, originally. This is how you get chocolate if you wander into a small stube in Wien and ask for it. The only problem is that this is the United States, and the franchise ghetto to boot. So, of course, there's enough sugar in this concoction to stun a pre-teen child who is terminally addicted to Twinkies. I really think this could be tasty if they just yanked like 4/5 of the sugar out of it and maybe added some alcohol. Okay, I'd be willing to add the booze myself. But for God's sake, the sugar, man. Get fucking rid of it. Like, now. I could run Hershey PA for a day at least on one six-ounce cup of this stuff. It's like one of the M&M Guys had diarrhea into my goddamn cup.

Imperial Tea Keemun Hao Ya

Tiny rolled leaves and a malty aroma distinguish this tea before preparation. It brews to a dark amber, profoundly red at its deepest point. The flavor is bold and slightly smoky, but it tastes most of malt. There are some very subtle floral notes and an extremely long finish.

If you are looking for a very bold, smooth, and malty tea, this may be the one for you.

THE MONTANERO

Ah. The sheer overthetoppedness of it all.

The Montanero (I cannot produce the corrent ligature, my apologies) is available from Izzy's Sub Shop. If you don't know where that is, my condolences. It consists of a lunch plate, for $8.50, which comes with all manner of yum, most of it VERY BAD FOR YOU: Beefsteak w/onions, twice-fried pork, sweet plantains, rice and beans and a fried egg on top (just to cap the spectacle).

Carbolestorolafatty goodness.

Farmer's Market Sandwich (Beantowne)

The Farmer's Market sandwich from Beantowne Coffee House is a pleasing addition to any cold-weather snackage. It goes well with the astringency of coffee; it adds weight to the warmth of soup, and it can make the difference between 'bite' and 'lunch.' Available on a variety of breads, it contains:

• Chicken Salad (storemade, they claim)
  
• Cheddar cheese (mmm)
  
• Granny Smith Apple slices (tartness)
  
• Walnuts
  
• Some form of greenery.
  

It is available in half- or full-size. Recommended when you're grabbing coffee or coffee/soup or whatever.