November 14, 2004

People who cry out for a beatdown.

Today's jolly candidate - a hideous looking woman who presides over an equally hideous advertisement on the cheaper slots of American television. The ad is for some dietary weight-loss supplement called 'Corti-Slim' or some such. The pitch? I'll give you this quote: "Overweight people belong to the unhappiest club in the world - the overweight people club." Um, what? "It's a club of poorly cut clothing, avoiding food, fad diets-" -like the stuff you're pitching? - "-and bad news when you step on the scale. See those people who look and feel their best? They've resigned their membership in the unhappiest club in the world forever! They've learned..." blah blah blah, how to take these lovely pills I'm trying to sell you, blah blah blah.

I'm overweight. I spend a great deal of time trying not so much to cope with the physical problem so much as the constant onslaught of shit like this in order to interact with the society I live in. I swear, fat is the new cigarette smoker. Heavy people are the next scapegoat for all of our skyrocketing health costs, just wait. Fat people are selfish bastards who consume too many resources. They look different. They act different. They can't control themselves. They're members of a club of the unhappy! And all they would need to do is take these nice pills to be just like us.

The facelifted, starched, dyed-blonde, breast-surgeried, teeth-modified and still ugly-ass-Please-God-Don't-Ever-Let-Me-See-You-In-Spandex white chick that I cringe from in the Gym.

The culture wars rage on. Pass me the fucking Doritos, and if that bitch ever shows up near my house, we'll see how well her Cortisol pills do her when my carry-me-around-exercised-legs decide to administer a severe ass-kicking, the stupid cunt. Then she can have my membership card to the unhappiest club in the world, as I intend to make sure she needs it.

Posted by jbz at November 14, 2004 12:49 AM | TrackBack

Comments

I concede I may have gone a tad over the top there. I had been trying to watch a Discovery-Times channel documentary, and (no doubt because it was cheap) they managed to air that ad no less than *six times* in one hour. After the sixth, I blew a bit of a gasket and wrote that. I apologize to any of the fairer sex who take offense at the use of that word, but must admit that I used it to describe this woman quite deliberately.

Posted by: jbz at November 14, 2004 6:48 PM

Re: "The culture wars rage on. Pass me the fucking Doritos, and if that bitch ever shows up near my house, we'll see how well her Cortisol pills do her when my carry-me-around-exercised-legs decide to administer a severe ass-kicking, the stupid cunt. Then she can have my membership card to the unhappiest club in the world, as I intend to make sure she needs it."

I rant that you are worthy of. I am in awe. The use of 'cunt' rounds it off beautifully, giving it that extra lift towards the end.

Posted by: Nermal at November 14, 2004 7:13 AM
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